I'M IN LOVE.....Round and Round I Go.

Can you fall in love with someone else while married? Yes, you can be married but in love with other people or find new love or a new person. That is one of the uncertainties of this life and there is nothing we can do about it. You know that gut wrenching feeling when you realize that you are happily married and have fallen for someone else.

 You have probably always prided yourself on the stability of your marriage and are always there to provide a strong shoulder to your friends and now suddenly this person seems to be the center of your life. So is this love? Or infatuation? Or pure lust? 

We humans are sometimes as frail and imperfect as the marriage and vows we are bound to. And having feelings for someone else while being married, is that a devilish sin? No, it’s just a human complexity. And unfortunately there is nothing we can do about this.

When a marriage functions on routine, boredom starts to find a way in. It is the ‘same things’ that you both do every day without fail, and you start feeling like there is no excitement, no thrill. You two become too comfortable with each other, and comfortable with the boring married life you are living. Then from the blues comes this fire cracker, making you to question all your reasons for choosing your partner....e dey happen don't overthink it.

There is also the emotional vulnerability. We become a lot more vulnerable due to all the challenges of this world. There are days you wake up and just tired. Then there is this person who seems to have all the right words to say...people that are emotionally frail are most likely going to build hope on any fragile foundation. 

See, you can be 'happily ' married to a 6 foot hunk and the man that will catch your soul out there is a 5'3 creature but he makes you laugh. Does not judge that your pouch that you call a stomach, thinks that you have the cutest laugh ever (forget that you sound like the exhaust of a vesper)

 LANRE'S STORY

I work with one of the audit firms in Lagos. Bunmi and I see on and off as we worked in the same building but different units. Somehow, we were drafted into the same unit for a particular audit case which meant we were working closely together daily and even on some weekends. I started to notice my attraction towards him when I found myself always looking forward to his phone calls every morning asking if I am at my seat or not. Because we usually drive about an hour or 2 from work before getting to our place of assignment no thanks to Lagos traffic, gave us enough time to talk about any and every thing.

From knowing his favorite food, to his best sleeping position. I found myself always thinking and reminiscing about our conversations daily. And of course the way he speaks to his wife: totally amazing. His voice goes so husky and low which I found totally sexy. I almost told him to stop picking his wife's calls whenever we are together. (crack abi) I was totally attracted to his ''humane' side.

 I began to wonder what it would feel like being the one enjoying all the attention he dotes on his wife. I now wonder why my own husband has a shrill ringing voice like a broken tecno phone. I had to ask for a transfer to another branch of our office before I completely disgrace myself by telling him I have fallen for him.  Sometimes I wonder if he felt same way too. 

SAYO'S STORY

I can't say exactly when I fell in love with my former boss. I was his executive assistant so I was up in his business daily. I knew his routine, from what time he wakes up until we close for work in the evening, which on a regular day is about 6pm daily. I realized how I so much enjoyed planning our day. I think one of my work mates had randomly said to me once that why am I always acting like the CEO's side chic? I laughed it off and told her I was just doing my job. I am always by his side for meetings, booking his flights, arranging flowers for his wife and daughters until one day when he asked me to send flowers to his wife's office. There was this sense of revulsion that came over me.

 And then I began to question why my husband felt flowers on a random day or even to celebrate anything is an ''oyinbo" thing. Back to my story, I did not send the flowers and as expected my boss was livid. I apologized and lied that the delivery people disappointed. 2nd time, he asked me to book a spa date for his wife as they had an argument and he was looking for the best way to make it up to her. 

I got to my desk and started to cry...wondering why a man can be so loving. Wishing and hoping I had the same kind of attention, mind you my own husband is an angel in disguise. This is a man that can remove his left eye for our kids, but I guess I just wanted more. A more attentive man, it has never been about money for me. I just need attention. Don't judge me.

MOJI’S STORY

I met Michael when I was in high school. We were cool but not close. I had my circle of friends and he had his. After high school I did not see him or even come across him.  Thank God for social media, I was able to reconnect with old friends and that was how I reconnected with Michael.  Initially it was just normal gist and catching up with old times. Gradually our friendship became stronger and I started looking forward to talking to him often. One day he called me and he sensed that I was not happy. He asked me what was going on. I confided in him about fertility issues, my hopelessness in conceiving and the numerous fights between hubby and me.

 The problem was taking a toll on hubby too and we were constantly quarreling over every little thing. I was so frustrated and I cried on the phone. Michael listened and then started praying for me. We got closer. He would call to check on me and pray with me. I saw him in a different light from then on. He was not just a friend, he was a brother and my best friend. I realized I was falling for him when I started getting jealous if he so much mentioned his wife’s name or clicked “like” on any lady’s picture on social media. I was torn between telling hubby everything, and walking out of my marriage. Then I got pregnant after 10 years of waiting. It was a miracle. I told Michael first and he was so happy. I could hear him yelling the good news to his wife. He was so excited. I was irritated.

 Being pregnant did not stop me from being head over heels in love with someone I hadn’t seen in years. I just wanted to be with him. The baby came. Full blown Nigerian party with a live band and all the works. My hubby was in 7th heaven; he was so happy and would hold the baby boy to his chest all day. I continued my casual talks with Michael. The day my little boy turned 2 years old, Michael called to wish him a happy birthday. 

“Hello Iya. How you dey? Happy birthday to little champ” he said. 

“Thank you.” I answered. 

“Can you talk?” He asked. I was a bit surprised because normally we would just talk so I did not understand his request for privacy. 

“Oh yes. I can talk.”

He paused and let out a shuddering sigh. 

“Moji I am in love with you!”

My mouth dropped to the floor. 

“Moji, I have been in love with you for five years and I just can’t keep this a secret any longer. It’s eating me alive. I am so crazy about you and I just don’t know what to do. “. 

“Moji! Are you there? Hello??” 

“Yes! I am here.” I managed to croak out. 

After all the emotions that flew up and down the phone line, we agreed that the best thing to do is to work on our individual marriages and be happy. To think Michael hid his feelings so well, I never knew he felt that way about me. No idea at all. I thought I was alone in the boat, just sailing with no direction. Do I still talk to Michael? Yes. Maybe once in year to wish him a happy birthday and he does the same. Apart from that, no communication whatsoever because the feelings are still there.

 

N. B: TO BE CONTINUED.

Thanks to the people who sent in their experiences. If you didn't see your story it is because I did not want to make the post too long. Thank You!!.