Posts

Showing posts from July, 2025

The One About Hemorrhoids

 Let me start by saying something important: nobody warns you about adulthood properly. It Started Innocently. Everything was normal. I woke up, drank my tea, minded my business like a responsible citizen. Around midday, I felt pressed and off to the loo I went to do a number two. Five minutes after, my life changed. Chaos. The Moment of Realization Let me tell you something: when hemorrhoids arrive, they do not knock politely . They enter like an uninvited relative during Christmas. Suddenly sitting down is no longer an activity. It becomes a negotiation with destiny . I sat down. My body said: “Excuse me, who authorized this?” I stood up. My body said: “Where do you think you're going? ” At that point I realized this pain is not joking with me. The Walk of Suffering Let me talk about walking. Normally, walking is simple. Left leg and right leg abi? But when hemorrhoids flare up, you start walking like someone that is transporting fragile eggs between your bu...

Cake, Cardio & Chaos: My Summer Body Plan

  Every year, like clockwork, I wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and think: “Okay, this is the year. I’m gonna lose 10 kg and look like an accidental Greek statue on the beach.” Current status: 80 kg. Dream status: 70 kg. Reality check: I’m typing this while stepping down cake number two with a can of Diet Pepsi.  The Math Never Maths (O ti su mi!) In theory, it’s simple: “Calories in vs. calories out!” they say. In practice, “Calories in” means my brain forgets what a normal portion looks like the second I see cake, chips, or literally anything deep-fried. And “Calories out” means I do half a squat, feel personally attacked by my own knees, and decide I’ve earned a snack for my suffering( ko easy mehn) The Olympic Workout Plan (That Lives in My Head) I plan my workouts like I’m training for the next Olympic Games: Monday: Cardio Tuesday: Weights (aka my loyal 5 kg kettlebells) Wednesday: A 30-minute walk at 6 am (ambitious!) Thursday: Rest day...