Posts

Showing posts from February, 2021

The One About Hemorrhoids

 Let me start by saying something important: nobody warns you about adulthood properly. It Started Innocently. Everything was normal. I woke up, drank my tea, minded my business like a responsible citizen. Around midday, I felt pressed and off to the loo I went to do a number two. Five minutes after, my life changed. Chaos. The Moment of Realization Let me tell you something: when hemorrhoids arrive, they do not knock politely . They enter like an uninvited relative during Christmas. Suddenly sitting down is no longer an activity. It becomes a negotiation with destiny . I sat down. My body said: “Excuse me, who authorized this?” I stood up. My body said: “Where do you think you're going? ” At that point I realized this pain is not joking with me. The Walk of Suffering Let me talk about walking. Normally, walking is simple. Left leg and right leg abi? But when hemorrhoids flare up, you start walking like someone that is transporting fragile eggs between your bu...

LAGOS IS HOT AND OTHER SHORT STORIES

 Lagos is HOT. I mean, what is this hot mess every day. You are literarily soaked from walking a 5 minute distance.  The weather has been oppressive. There are days that I wish I don't have to wear clothes at all but..... Story 2. Valenitine is coming: Yayyyy!!  If your partner is one of those people who enjoys one toothbrush for 6 months , and you are thinking of buying any other gift apart from 6 brushes then you are one of the problems of this country. You are the president of the club of people who see and celebrate ''bad behaviour". Why? Story 3. These past few weeks have been trying. People are falling ill and dying from covid -19. Quite a number of people caught the virus at parties and within weeks they are gone. But I still find it amazing that folks won't stop partying. Is it a curse? Do you miss jollof  and fried rice laced with a bit of spittle and dash of sweat so much? What exactly do you enjoy when music is so loud and everyone is talking over anothe...