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Showing posts from May, 2025

The One About Hemorrhoids

 Let me start by saying something important: nobody warns you about adulthood properly. It Started Innocently. Everything was normal. I woke up, drank my tea, minded my business like a responsible citizen. Around midday, I felt pressed and off to the loo I went to do a number two. Five minutes after, my life changed. Chaos. The Moment of Realization Let me tell you something: when hemorrhoids arrive, they do not knock politely . They enter like an uninvited relative during Christmas. Suddenly sitting down is no longer an activity. It becomes a negotiation with destiny . I sat down. My body said: “Excuse me, who authorized this?” I stood up. My body said: “Where do you think you're going? ” At that point I realized this pain is not joking with me. The Walk of Suffering Let me talk about walking. Normally, walking is simple. Left leg and right leg abi? But when hemorrhoids flare up, you start walking like someone that is transporting fragile eggs between your bu...

Lagos Visa Chronicles

 If you’ve ever tried getting a visa while living in Lagos, then my dear , you already qualify for sainthood .  Forget reality TV drama—Lagos and visa stress is the ultimate entertainment combo. Have you tried asking people who got the visas questions: everybody has an opinion. By the time you are done, compiling all you have been told, you will have your quiver full of arrows.(Useful and useless arrows) Let’s rewind. Let me just start by saying: this wasn’t my first visa rodeo.   I’ve even been to countries that required me to submit a full medical, a blood oath, and a picture with Olubadan.  But one visa has remained stubborn, elusive, and almost mythical: the American visa. I applied once and I was denied, because she felt I did not have enough ties to the United Kingdom.  Bruh: I live and work here, what other ties do you want Ms??? Many years later: We decided to apply for a tourist visa. Just a little vacation. A short break from Lagos wahala. Somet...