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Showing posts from March, 2020

The One About Hemorrhoids

 Let me start by saying something important: nobody warns you about adulthood properly. It Started Innocently. Everything was normal. I woke up, drank my tea, minded my business like a responsible citizen. Around midday, I felt pressed and off to the loo I went to do a number two. Five minutes after, my life changed. Chaos. The Moment of Realization Let me tell you something: when hemorrhoids arrive, they do not knock politely . They enter like an uninvited relative during Christmas. Suddenly sitting down is no longer an activity. It becomes a negotiation with destiny . I sat down. My body said: “Excuse me, who authorized this?” I stood up. My body said: “Where do you think you're going? ” At that point I realized this pain is not joking with me. The Walk of Suffering Let me talk about walking. Normally, walking is simple. Left leg and right leg abi? But when hemorrhoids flare up, you start walking like someone that is transporting fragile eggs between your bu...

ALL MY LADIES....

So, you found yourself married to a community penis and you have begged, raved, ranted, cried and did all sorts. He will not listen…owu elepo is inside his ears. I am not even trying to be funny. But you see, before you go all out to join the bandwagon of women going to malls to stalk their husbands’ sidechics and in turn embarrassing their lineage think twice. What does it profit you for a side bae to turn on you in ShopRite and beat you silly? You see those friends egging you on, the one that drove you to ShopRite to fight will not take a single slap for you. She will hide and be shouting be careful from the sidelines, meanwhile your own eyes will be swollen from kicks and punches just like if you crossed Anthony Joshua in a fight. If you have to fight at all, do NOT got to battle without weapons. You think embarrassing her in public is enough? Posting the video on Instagram will not solve your problem. The videos will trend for a few days..your philandering husband wil...