Cake, Cardio & Chaos: My Summer Body Plan

 

Every year, like clockwork, I wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and think: “Okay, this is the year. I’m gonna lose 10 kg and look like an accidental Greek statue on the beach.”

Current status: 80 kg.
Dream status: 70 kg.
Reality check: I’m typing this while stepping down cake number two with a can of Diet Pepsi. 

The Math Never Maths (O ti su mi!)

In theory, it’s simple: “Calories in vs. calories out!” they say.

In practice, “Calories in” means my brain forgets what a normal portion looks like the second I see cake, chips, or literally anything deep-fried.

And “Calories out” means I do half a squat, feel personally attacked by my own knees, and decide I’ve earned a snack for my suffering( ko easy mehn)

The Olympic Workout Plan (That Lives in My Head)

I plan my workouts like I’m training for the next Olympic Games:

• Monday: Cardio

• Tuesday: Weights (aka my loyal 5 kg kettlebells)

• Wednesday: A 30-minute walk at 6 am (ambitious!)

• Thursday: Rest day (because self-care is important)

• Friday: A 10-minute run and then walk back home gasping.

• Saturday: Run 10 km (laughs in impossicant)

• Sunday: Rest again because I’m sore from thinking about all this.

What actually happens: I do a 15-minute YouTube workout, sweat exactly two drops, then reward myself with Diet Pepsi and crisps because, obviously, I deserve it.

The Real Plot Twist

I do want to lose 10 kg not for Instagram pictures, but because my knees, jeans, and bathroom scale have all formed a support group behind my back!!

So maybe the plan isn’t perfection.

 Maybe it is:

• Moving a bit more so my heart doesn’t freak out when I climb the stairs.

• Eating a bit better (and sometimes worse, because life is short and cake is good).

• Being a little less mean to myself in the mirror.

• And wearing the swimsuit anyway.

To everyone out there trying to shed those “last 10 kg”: I see you.

May we sweat a little, snack a little less (sometimes), and wear the swimsuit anyway.

And if all else fails? 

We’ll blame the scale.

It’s probably broken, right? 

SS