ARE YOU AN ENABLER?

 I have read a lot and seen so many blood curling videos of men abusing women physically in the last two days. 

There was a particular one where the man smacked his wife with an iron. How on earth do you look at the mother of your kids and just want to kill her? He banged her head on the wall a few times, I didn't realize I screamed till my son said mummy are you Ok?

The cycle of abuse is long and deep. It starts with a push here and a shove there. Then it graduates into slaps (to reset the brain of the wife as the monsters say). And since the person being abused is still there it moves into proper beating.

Now, I have spoken to quite a number of people on this issue and the usual response is ''oh he was really upset, that's why he slapped me". He won't do it again. 

Let me tell you, he will do it again and again. This is the same way I lie to myself after working out for 45 minutes and I drink a bottle of chilled Pepsi afterwards. This won't happen again I just need the sugar rush. LIES FROM THE PIT OF HELL.

We live in a country where people think staying married is a perquisite to making heaven on judgement day. People will do everything to convince you to stay with a man that batters you, they are the people called enablers. Telling you to go back and chop more beating till you either die or become useless to your self and the society.

The story of the medical doctor that was battered and was eventually "forced" to go back to her husband is a case of enabling violence. How do you reconcile a man to a woman who gave birth via CS a few weeks before and the man sat on her stomach, kicked her and all. Does that man look like someone whose brain is functioning properly? If he beats her again, will the enablers endure beating with her? If it happens that in self defense she kills him as it has happened in a few cases...will the enablers be able to defend her action as trying not to get herself killed?

We have women who will rather die than to be seen as a failure. Failure to them is walking out a marriage that is clearly not working. Failure to them is to be stripped of the title MRS. Failure to them is leaving an abusive relationship alive.

Marriages are not a walk in the park, but I personally see it as give and take. Sacrifices, bending your own rules a little and sometimes more .Accepting that you won't always be right and that your partner may have better ideas and ways of dealing with stuff.

What marriage is not to me is emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse and physical assault. No. If you have to endure all of these to be called a MRS, you are doing it wrong. 

Stop that marriage before it stops you. 

It is a cold and lonely world in the land of the dead, not that I have been there but at least we know once everyone turns back at the cemetery that is where all the tears end.

The world won't stop for a woman beaten to death. Some people will blame her and some will ask why she stayed long enough to be killed.

Love and strength to all the women looking for the courage to leave.

Yes, I know men get abused too but this post is for the women. 

Fola

Dec 2020.