There Is More To Life Than Living In Bondage....

People fall in love everyday. Some times we get it right and some times we get it wrong. There is no telling which side of the divide you will fall into. Because human beings will be human and things can happen.

Everyone has an opinion on marriage. But unfortunately there is no marriage manual anywhere.

I have always believed in luck, hard work and of course prayers as a basis of any stable relationship. Most people actually date and get married to people who had their heads screwed on but few years down the line, life happens. People change. Scripts flips and everything goes south.

Every relationship is unique, which is why I don't judge my relationship or compare my relationship with friends/family. I have seen people take ''shit'' from their partners and guess what, they don't even see what i think is  shit as shit. Wiun!

There is this case of a marriage, both were madly in love. Good jobs, hefty salaries so finances was never a problem. Husband had to start moving with the so called big boys due to the kind of work he does. He hardly spends time with the wife and kids any longer at weekends. The wife was not having it. Husband thinks she is being unreasonable as these meetings and hangouts is what brings the money for the family. She also says she is making enough for the family. Yam, pepper scatter scatter. Marriage is now over after 8 years. I guess that is what is termed irreconcilable differences.

Then we have the I will marry you despite our blood group/type and so on. When we get to the bridge of child bearing, we will cross together. This is the easiest thing to say anyway. So, case in point: two AS couple who  had 4 kids with 3 as sickle cell carriers. They could manage in the beginning, as years went by and the time and money spent on the kids never stopped, the fights and arguments started. That love, that made them damn all the consequences in the beginning could not keep the marriage.

We also have the man at 38 getting married to a 25 year old. In the real sense of it, there is nothing bad and it shouldn't be a  problem really as both are assumed to be mature. The man may even be boasting to his friends about how she listens to everything I say, how she is so  respectful and all his ideas are just perfect for the marriage. Ten or fifteen years down the line, the woman may no longer be as docile, will question ideas and instructions from the husband, will follow her own path. She has not joined bad gang, she has just grown. She is just getting more into knowing her worth, her desires for her family so she will naturally question the norm.

Then we have the I can't keep my pants up spouses. Men and women. Cheating in  marriage is heartbreaking, some people can take it as per they have been conditioned all their lives to accept it as a norm. Others will kick your cheating ass out of their lives immediately you are found out. There will be family members coming to beg you to forgive a wayward partner, do not forget they won't share STD's or HIV with you please be wise.

And the fact that we all assume that people do not outgrow love....You can be in love with someone and still ''fall" for someone else. To be candid, I don't even know how to explain this. But there will always be that person that is better than your spouse, what is crazy is you don't get to meet this person until you are married. This where contentment comes into play...am i ready to risk it all or am i willing to stay and make the best of what I have at the moment?

Then there is the almighty ELEPHANT in the room called SEX. Several questions and school of thought differ greatly in this respect . There is the HOLY and UNHOLY STYLES in marriage. I am not a sex therapist, just explore the one that works for you and your spouse and stick with it.
A few years back, there was the case of a lady who found out on the wedding night that the husband is a two minute man, she put it down to stress from wedding planning and all of that. Things of course did not change 3 years down the line.  She had a great sex life before marriage, the indo mie parole was not working for her, she moved to a colleague because she had to find satisfaction.

Do not stay in a marriage that does not bring fulfilment, do not stay and get beaten to death or incapacitated .Do not stay where you are not wanted or appreciated, there is more to life than living in bondage.

 Marriage is hard-work, marriage is not a one size fit all, marriage is not for children. Marriage cannot fit into a blog post. Marriage also, is not for everybody.

Love and Light.