This Thing Called Marriage.....

On the radio this morning, a topic came up on whether a man who cheats on his wife really loves her? Both sides had valid points. Guys were saying sex outside the marriage is simply a physical thing, a release so to speak, nothing intimate about it, no emotional connection involved, as long as you hide it well, you should be okay. Women were saying that if he truly loved his wife it just wouldn't happen no matter the lust he felt, or the temptation thrown his way, for him to cheat means he really didn't care.

My opinion is, yes, a man can love his wife yet get pleased sexually elsewhere besides home. Love isn't the problem here, respect is. I feel that once you decide to propose and get married, you should understand the responsibilities that come along with that, especially fighting temptation. You CHOSE to take your relationship to the next level, she said yes, with full faith and trust in you. Most women do take those vows seriously.

Again, what exactly do you consider as cheating? As this differs for a lot of people as so called modern day ethos and lifestyles now dictates like open marriage and the likes( allude to the recent story of jade and will smith)  A friend once confided in me of a new dimension and equally damaging type labelled  Emotional Cheating according to this friend, the minute you begin to heavily  invest and confide emotionally in another  other than your partner then you equally guilty which  takes the definition of cheating and responsibilities attached thereto to a whole new level

Though to guys sex with someone else may not mean anything, they love their spouse to death(that is what they claim) and the last thing they want is to lose their family, to the woman that's a pain that's very hard to take. You didn't respect her enough to avoid the one thing that is a sure relationship deal breaker. Mind you, in most cases the women find out either by the man's actions, or someone else's, the last thing you want is for someone else to tell her or bring her attention to it.

It's even worse when you have children because it shows no respect for your family life as a whole. It's like you are saying you were willing to risk all of that just for a simple relief that you could have gotten at home. Or even worse, the wife finding out AFTER he dies!!! How do you get through something like that? You can't ask why? you are hurt, angry, disappointed. But, he's dead and you are left with the questions, and not just your own questions but the kids' and everyone else's! How do you get through all those emotions, anger, hate, love, hurt you name it!

I always tell people, loving someone is not enough reason to get married and start a family. Both individuals have to be mentally and physically prepared for such an undertaking. It takes a great deal of maturity, compromise and sacrifice. No relationship is easy but with the right amount of understanding and communication it can be made a little less hard.

Understand that issues you had before marriage will not go away simply because you are married, if your future husband is a flirt, etc, that will NOT go away with marriage. If your wife is insecure, jealous etc...That will not go away with marriage. If two people are serious about taking that step then certain things will start to wean beforehand so that they can go into the relationship with a clear mind and work on it together. Unfortunately that rarely happens.

So, ladies I want to hear your take on this. Guys, I want to really hear your opinions as well.

In fact, I want to hear how it would be taken if the shoe was on the other foot. What will you do if you found out your wife who never gave you an inkling of a clue as to her 'dipping' out on you, was cheating on you? Are you going to accept the "it didn't mean anything" reasoning? How will you take it if it came from your friends or peers? Will you leave or will you stay? If you stayed, how is it going to affect your trust and relationship as a whole, will you still look at her the same?