The One About Hemorrhoids

-
 Let me start by saying something important: nobody warns you about adulthood properly. It Started Innocently. Everything was normal. I woke up, drank my tea, minded my business like a responsible citizen. Around midday, I felt pressed and off to the loo I went to do a number two. Five minutes after, my life changed. Chaos. The Moment of Realization Let me tell you something: when hemorrhoids arrive, they do not knock politely . They enter like an uninvited relative during Christmas. Suddenly sitting down is no longer an activity. It becomes a negotiation with destiny . I sat down. My body said: “Excuse me, who authorized this?” I stood up. My body said: “Where do you think you're going? ” At that point I realized this pain is not joking with me. The Walk of Suffering Let me talk about walking. Normally, walking is simple. Left leg and right leg abi? But when hemorrhoids flare up, you start walking like someone that is transporting fragile eggs between your bu...
2 comments

Life...So Frail

-

I was having a good day at work, it was also my younger sister's birthday. I had just finished uploading her pictures on my whatsapp status, grinning and smiling from all the pings coming from viewers.

Then my phone rang, it was Wunmi at the other end of the line.

Wunmi: Our friend's  husband passed last night.

Me: What is pass? Passed exam? Passed to where?

There and then I understood the meaning of time stopping.

I could not believe what I just heard.

Is this how people die? He was not ill. I speak with my friend at least once every week or 2 weeks. If he was ill she would have mentioned.

How do I console a woman who will never see her husband again?

How do I say sorry to a woman whose life just changed forever?

Is this what people mean by ''it is well''?

Because, somehow it has to be well.

RIP oko ore mi .

All will be well.

Comments

  1. DeebabieWednesday, January 22, 2020

    Really sad,may his soul rest in peace😔😇

    ReplyDelete
  2. TemmytayoSunday, May 31, 2020

    May God comfort you and all the families on all sides.

    Life is indeed very frail.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lagos wifeySaturday, June 13, 2020

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lagos wifeySaturday, June 13, 2020

    There are no words.... ummmm

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lagos Visa Chronicles

-
 If you’ve ever tried getting a visa while living in Lagos, then my dear , you already qualify for sainthood .  Forget reality TV drama—Lagos and visa stress is the ultimate entertainment combo. Have you tried asking people who got the visas questions: everybody has an opinion. By the time you are done, compiling all you have been told, you will have your quiver full of arrows.(Useful and useless arrows) Let’s rewind. Let me just start by saying: this wasn’t my first visa rodeo.   I’ve even been to countries that required me to submit a full medical, a blood oath, and a picture with Olubadan.  But one visa has remained stubborn, elusive, and almost mythical: the American visa. I applied once and I was denied, because she felt I did not have enough ties to the United Kingdom.  Bruh: I live and work here, what other ties do you want Ms??? Many years later: We decided to apply for a tourist visa. Just a little vacation. A short break from Lagos wahala. Somet...
Read more

Cake, Cardio & Chaos: My Summer Body Plan

-
  Every year, like clockwork, I wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and think: “Okay, this is the year. I’m gonna lose 10 kg and look like an accidental Greek statue on the beach.” Current status: 80 kg. Dream status: 70 kg. Reality check: I’m typing this while stepping down cake number two with a can of Diet Pepsi.  The Math Never Maths (O ti su mi!) In theory, it’s simple: “Calories in vs. calories out!” they say. In practice, “Calories in” means my brain forgets what a normal portion looks like the second I see cake, chips, or literally anything deep-fried. And “Calories out” means I do half a squat, feel personally attacked by my own knees, and decide I’ve earned a snack for my suffering( ko easy mehn) The Olympic Workout Plan (That Lives in My Head) I plan my workouts like I’m training for the next Olympic Games: Monday: Cardio Tuesday: Weights (aka my loyal 5 kg kettlebells) Wednesday: A 30-minute walk at 6 am (ambitious!) Thursday: Rest day...
Read more

Even Machines Rest , Why Not You?

-
I heard two horrific stories yesterday that prompted me to think about this thing called HUSTLE. We live in a world that glorifies HUSTLE. Everywhere you turn, it’s Hustle o, make hunger no kill you and your generation . But let’s be real, hustle is the reason many people died in their prime. Because in a world that worships productivity, celebrates busyness like it’s a badge of honour, and tells us to always do more, rest has become a radical act. We’ve been conditioned to believe that stopping is weakness. That rest is something we earn after we’ve hustled hard enough. That exhaustion is just part of success. But here’s the truth: Hustle culture isn’t sustainable. It pulls us out of our bodies, out of presence, out of peace. It leaves us performing and pushing — often at the expense of our physical, mental, and emotional health. Our brains need downtime. Our bodies need recovery. Our hearts need softness. I’ve heard people proudly say they’re doing a 9–5, then DoorDash aft...
Read more