The One About Hemorrhoids

 Let me start by saying something important: nobody warns you about adulthood properly. It Started Innocently. Everything was normal. I woke up, drank my tea, minded my business like a responsible citizen. Around midday, I felt pressed and off to the loo I went to do a number two. Five minutes after, my life changed. Chaos. The Moment of Realization Let me tell you something: when hemorrhoids arrive, they do not knock politely . They enter like an uninvited relative during Christmas. Suddenly sitting down is no longer an activity. It becomes a negotiation with destiny . I sat down. My body said: “Excuse me, who authorized this?” I stood up. My body said: “Where do you think you're going? ” At that point I realized this pain is not joking with me. The Walk of Suffering Let me talk about walking. Normally, walking is simple. Left leg and right leg abi? But when hemorrhoids flare up, you start walking like someone that is transporting fragile eggs between your bu...

The Rants Of A Frustrated And Angry Girl.

The Menace Called Society:

It has been a roller coaster week for yours truly. Nigeria has it's way of getting to you each passing day.

If we don't hear stories of animals molesting minors, houses may be submerged in flood, people kidnapped on the highways, married people chasing themselves with cutlasses all over the place, or Pastors using their positions in the society to intimidate and harass innocent people. Nigeria wears you out!!

So, if you know me very well you surely know how passionate i get about molesting young ones, rape victims or just being generally cruel to people. I get so mad to the point that if killing was legal, i could kill rapists, molesters, pedophiles etc by myself.

I have had to argue with dolts, with sensible people, with people who ''are on the fence'' but my conclusion....we are all mad in this country.

Today's rant it not even about the above ...but more about people who stay married because society won't be happy if they walked!

Like, are you mad? Did society stand in front of the altar and recited the vows with you? Is society living with you and the abusive partner?

 Is society receiving hot slaps on your behalf?

Is society helping you to massage your neck and back when he kicks you? Is society helping you to dry your tears every night?

 Is society holding you when you are weak and miserable?

Have you told society that he beats you every fortnight and then he buys you stuff to make you happy.

Have you told society the number of times you have caught him with your house-helps? Have you told society that you once followed your nanny to get an abortion...the belle wey your husband give am?

Have you told society that he is a beast and deserves to be in jail?

Why are you being Miss Nice girl to a community penis?

And, i said I won't be ranting on this blog o. I want to be doing all the mushy mushy things and be the happy go luck girl that i truly am. But no, you people won't let me drink water and drop thee cup.

Ok, let me drop my golden pen and do what Sanwo Olu actually pays me to do.

But don't forget, when you eventually die from either heartbreak, HIV, a blow to your head, gonorrhea, or even poison ...society will call you stupid for staying with your partner.

Society will attend your funeral, cry at the grave site and as they are driving away they  will start laughing at something else. People will probably remember you once in a while, some will never check up on your family again.

Some will delete all your pictures and hone number immediately, after all you are dead and buried.

SOCIETY no SEND you.

WHY you dey send Society?

 Use your brain!

Comments

  1. Honestly nothing to add... pls society no send fa

    ReplyDelete
  2. My state of mind is society will be fine! I will always do me! I'm not afraid to take drastic steps to get myself out of messy situations!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You nailed it. Society will always be fine. Make sure to be fine too.

      Delete

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