Cake, Cardio & Chaos: My Summer Body Plan
Every year, like clockwork, I wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and think: “Okay, this is the year. I’m gonna lose 10 kg and look like an accidental Greek statue on the beach.” Current status: 80 kg. Dream status: 70 kg. Reality check: I’m typing this while stepping down cake number two with a can of Diet Pepsi. The Math Never Maths (O ti su mi!) In theory, it’s simple: “Calories in vs. calories out!” they say. In practice, “Calories in” means my brain forgets what a normal portion looks like the second I see cake, chips, or literally anything deep-fried. And “Calories out” means I do half a squat, feel personally attacked by my own knees, and decide I’ve earned a snack for my suffering( ko easy mehn) The Olympic Workout Plan (That Lives in My Head) I plan my workouts like I’m training for the next Olympic Games: Monday: Cardio Tuesday: Weights (aka my loyal 5 kg kettlebells) Wednesday: A 30-minute walk at 6 am (ambitious!) Thursday: Rest day...